Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Growing and Changing

Well, lets just say long time no write!  What can I say, we've been living life, and life has been keeping us pretty busy.
Christmas is a week away, and we still have one present to buy before the weekend.  I love Christmas!  I have actually been listening to a little Christmas music, which is something I normally do only on Christmas Day.  I can't wait to watch YY see the wonderful things Mommy, Daddy, and Santa got for him.  I also look forward to Christmas Eve church service.  Each Christmas Eve, we go back and forth between which family we attend services with.  This year, we will be with my family at a lil 'ol country church in the middle of nowhere; services usually aren't done until midnight or later.  Something about that time of night leaving church is very special.  It's even better when there is a blanket of snow (not too much) on the ground and a clear starry sky.  I guess you could say that I feel more connected with our Lord than any other time of year, except for Sunrise Service on Easter morning.  It's also beautiful to drive home and see colorful Christmas lights on.  That is the one night my parents leave their lights on all night long.  This year will be very different because Santa will be coming to our house for the first time.  I will make sugar cookies to leave out for him (next year YY can help make them), and we get to start new family traditions because M and I have a child of our own.  I just wish that the time we spend with our families on the holidays didn't always go so fast.
Not only is Christmas almost here, but my baby will soon be turning a year old.  It saddens me how fast time is going.  He has grown like a weed this past year.  I hate leaving him, which doesn't happen very often, because I want to be there for every snuggle and every kiss, and I don't want to miss a single moment of it.  I have the rest of my life to do everything else, but my baby is only little once; I certainly don't want to miss out.
This is also a time of year when people make resolutions for the new year.  (Of course, we have to make it past December 21st when the world is supposedly going to end)  I have been thinking about this a lot here lately.
The last time I stepped on the scale, I weighed the same amount as I weighed when I was 40 weeks pregnant, and it shows.  That's right, I weigh 20 pounds more than I did before I was pregnant, and a week after YY was born and we came home from the hospital, I weighed 10 pounds less than I did before I was pregnant.  My coat is too tight that I can barely zip it up, my jeans and other clothes are getting tight, and the other night when I went to put my belt and buckle on for a very rare night out, I couldn't even put my buckle through the first hole in my belt.  That really hurt and struck a nerve with me.
I have never been one to count calories (that's no way to live), if I lose weight, that's great, but if I don't that's fine.  I tried not to worry about what other people thought of my weight because it doesn't matter, all that matters is what I think of myself and my weight.  If people don't like the extra amount of flab that I have, that's their problem.  I am not skinny now, nor will I ever be skinny; I don't want to be skinny.  M is very supportive of me and loves me either way; if he didn't love me the same chubby as he would a skinny me then I wouldn't have married him.  I love food, and you only have one life to live so I am going to enjoy it.  However, I need to get this under better control.  When I have lost weight (unintentionally) in the past, I eventually gained all of the weight back plus more.  That worries me.

I need to get this under better control for multiple reasons: 1) My feet, knees, etc. would feel a little better 2) To help my son learn to make good choices, like moderation, 3) I can't afford a new wardrobe or coat.

The thing is, I am a VERY picky eater and hate excercising, so going on a run every day and having a salad (something rabbits eat) for dinner and supper every day is not an option for me.  To give you an idea of how picky I am, here is pretty much everything that I will eat: hamburger, hot dogs, bacon, balogna, sausage, cheese, bread, pasta, potato, carrots, broccoli, cauliflower, egg, strawberries, kiwi, lemon, lime, blueberry, corn.  That's most of what I can think of, and some of those I only like a little (the highlighted items are my favorite).  That's right folks, I'm a farm girl who doesn't like steak!  If you are from or have ever lived in the midwest, you understand that is a BIG deal around here.  I will admit that I'm a lot better than I used to be.  I am usually willing to try something new; before, I NEVER was willing to try something new.

Something I want to do is figure out why I've gained so much weight so that I can correct it, but I have to figure out ways to lose weight that are pracitical for me.  As I said in previously, eating salads every day and going for a run aren't practical for me.  I have to make changes slowly, and they have to be changes that I can stick with.  I have realized that since we have started giving YY snacks, I munch on his snack a little too if it is something I like, such as crackers.  I did it without realizing it, so now that I am aware of it I need to catch myself doing it before it goes in my mouth.  I mostly drink water.  It is rare that I drink coffee, pop, juice, alcohol, etc., but it does happen on occasion.  Maybe I should drink more water though.  I bought a huge 36 oz. Tupperware water bottle, so maybe I should make it a point to fill it up each morning and have every ounce drank before I go to bed.  M and I also don't sit down with YY for supper.  YY eats his supper, gets ready for bed, goes to bed, and M and I then eat supper, if it's ready.  Sometimes it's 9 PM before M and I eat our suppn er.  I've said this before - didn't stick to it though - maybe we need to eat supper at the same time every night, even if M isn't home from work yet.  Lets say we started eating supper at 6:30 PM, then the food would have quite a bit of time to digest before going to bed.  Who knows, I may end up feeling better when I go to bed and actually fall asleep faster.

One thing I've always believed is that you can eat anything you want, healthy or not, as long as you eat it in moderation.  However, I don't always eat things in moderation.  Sometimes, I just inhail it.

What has worked for you?

I also want to grow as an individual.  Whether it is being a better wife and providing M with more support and encouragement, being a better housekeeper (I hate cleaning), or growing as a Christian.

I am not one who goes to church every Sunday, and I probably never will be.  However, I want to learn more about our Lord.  I have developed a deep curiosity about what all is in the Bible and the religion that I was brought up with.  Recently I heard about a private organization.  I went there to check it out.  This place offers counseling, pregnancy tests, diapers, maternity clothing, etc.  You earn "money" to buy different things (diapers, etc.), and you earn the "money" by doing different things such as counseling, bringing your spouse with you, reading and reflecting on Bible verses, memorizing scriptures, reading about your child's development, attending their classes, etc.  I think it is a great program, and everything is free but has be earned.  It's not like WIC or any other government program which, in my opinion, gets too nosy and asks you questions that are frankly none of their business; my doctor actually told me to ignore what WIC tells me and just tell them what they want to here.  This private organizations program is much different.  You don't have to tell them anything that you don't want to tell them.  Part of the goal is for parents to educate themselves.  The last time I went to a  counseling session, she challenged me with things like, "If YY asked you about death, what would you tell him?"  That was something I had never thought about.  There is no, "You're right and I'm wrong" at this place.  It is filled with kind and understanding people who want to help you through whatever you may be struggling with, if anything.  I like that my counselor asked me those questions because it has given me some things to think about.  Something that I am guilty of and trying to work on is reading the Bible on a regular basis.  I started at the beginning (Genesis) a few months ago and am disappointed with myself to say that I'm not all the way through it yet.  I get on a good start reading, but then, life happens, I get busy, and forget about it for a while.  However, this is a step in the right direction for me.

Long story short, I would like to make it my goal to lose fit into my clothes again by changing my lifestyle a little to something that it doable for me, something that I can stick with forever.  I also want to grow as an individual.  I can't do this alone.  I need my family's support as well as the support from my blog.  I plan to blog about how I am doing at least once a week starting in January.  I will share with you my success and my failures; I know that I will have some of both.  However, I hope that keeping this blog updated, like a journal, will keep me on track.  Feel free to leave your suggestions and words of encouragement for me; I will be in need of both.  I know that this isn't something that is going to happen immediately, it will take me time, and some of these things I will never stop improving on.  Thank you for your support.

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